Happy World Doula Month!

Did you know that May is International Doula Month? I don’t know how you’re celebrating but my plan is to prioritize rest this month. I’m reading Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto by Tricia Hersey so I’m putting the theory into practice by walking the walk!

If you’ve ever been in space with me, you’ve heard me talk about rest. You’ve heard me talk about self-care. It’s one of my favorite subjects. It’s also something I believe is crucial for community birthworkers and caregivers to develop a relationship to and a practice with. 
If rest is not something you’ve examined through the lens of justice and resisting the systems we exist in, I encourage you to check out this book and the work of Tricia Hersey through The Nap Ministry.

*This post contains affiliate links, so I may earn a small commission when you make a purchase through links on this post at no additional cost to you.

I’ve learned that ‘healing is a lifestyle, not a destination’ (yeah, I’m quoting myself) and this reminder is crucial because resting requires a willingness to recommit, to try again, to make adjustments as we move forward. What worked yesterday may not work today. I’ve often had great rest and self-care practices and rituals in place then bam, suddenly I wake up and realize that seemingly without even noticing, I’ve reverted to my conditioning to produce at any cost in a very real response to having human needs that won’t otherwise be met. 

Healing is a lifestyle, not a destination.

It’s also worth coming back to again, I think, because there’s nothing this system likes less than a marginalized body claiming ease and pleasure lol! It may be petty but I’ll rest just to spite the system, y’all! I hope you’ll join me. It would be a dream, I imagine, to be able to always rest, move, eat, etc just as I need and wish to, always. But alas, I exist in this time and place. And in this time and place I have to earn moolah to pay for what I need. And while doing so, I must also navigate the colonial capitalist patriarchal white supremacist delusion and all the ways that it impacts my life and choices and those of everyone around me. 

I say all that to say that it makes sense to consider the reality of living in this time and place when thinking about my rest and care practice. Part of that consideration, for me, has led me to the conclusion that I will likely continually need to recommit to this practice after I notice that I’ve reverted. Sometimes I notice sooner, right when I make that first choice but other times it takes me weeks, or months, whelp. In all seriousness though, part of resting and caring for myself includes consciously undoing the indoctrination inherent in these systems of oppression. 

One of the first things I do once I notice, is to forgive myself and then recommit to offering myself the love and care I offer others. I find it helpful to remind myself that this is a practice, not a to do. This system has taken centuries and millions of bodies like mine to hone its craft of subjugation and exploitation. I have been subject to this indoctrination my whole life, as has everyone I love and respect and honor. It is understandable that removing those hooks is continuous. With every breath, I persist.   

This is a practice. Not a to-do.

Next is creating space for myself to check-in on the basics. My five foundational needs are:

• Rest

• Loving foods

• Water

• Connection with self

• Connection with others

Once I see which needs attention, I can begin to intentionally re-establish the habits that support them. Sometimes that looks like habit trackers in my bujo, other times it can look like setting an alert for my bedtime routine or scheduling some calls with loved ones. 

What are your foundational needs?

It’s helpful to stay curious and attentive, paying attention as I explore so I can learn from my responses and activations what’s in alignment and where there’s dissonance. Then I can look closer at what’s there and choose how I want to move forward. Without that self-examination, so much remains a dogged and frustrating mystery… ain’t nobody got time for that! lol. 

In Rest is Resistance, Tricia Hersey says:

‘It can be easier to believe resting is simply about retiring to your bed when you are tired instead of beginning the messy process of deconstructing your own beliefs and behaviors that are aligned with white supremacy and capitalism. You must be committed to studying how training under the abusive teachings of dominant culture has you bound and limited. This is healing work. This is justice work.’

I hope that, for yourself and for your clients, you are able to choose to rest deeply, undo the conditioning of existing in these systems and offer yourself the love and care you offer others. You deserve it.