But what if I can’t?

(What does it look like to rest when you can’t?)

It feels ridiculous that I’m writing about resting when I just took on a whole ass DIY kitchen remodel project to be done during the weekend when I have days off from my day job… but I think that actually ties in well with my point today -

Rest doesn’t always look like it does in IG - it might not be palatable or pretty, it just has to make sense for you. I’m tired, so handing this off to Ajira who has been talking about rest non-stop. :D

Thanks for the handoff Nickie! Hope you find some of that remodeling meditative! Hey y’all, Ajira here. Let’s get into it. 

If social media is your only or primary reference for rest, you may be led to believe that all you need to get good rest is a bungalow on the gorgeous waters of Bora-Bora with sound bowls, a daily massage and some cute work-out/lounge sets. 😅 Le Sigh. That sounds rather idyllic and dreamy, and may we all have a chance to experience something like that at some point, right? 

But what about right now? How and when can I fit rest into a life already full of struggle and work? Like many, I’m dealing with a myriad of personal and social challenges and limitations. From disability to poverty to care work, weaving a meaningful life in the midst of the colonial capitalist patriarchal white supremacist delusion requires diligence and persistence. Most of us are already worn. So how can we rest? 

Well, to start off I invite you to expand your idea of what rest is. Examine your own needs and determine what feels restorative to you. Last week we talked about the seven types of rest on Instagram and that’s a great place to start, if you’re feeling stuck.

We went into detail about the 7 types of rest in our newsletter, sign up below if you haven’t already!

If you’re finding that extra sleep isn’t helping you feel more rested, it may be a good time to look at the other types of rest and see if you may have a deficit in one or more of them as they all contribute to feeling restored. 

Another myth that can be helpful to release is that only a certain kind or amount of rest ‘counts’. Every kind of rest counts, and what feels restful to you may be different than someone else, and that’s okay. You may find it restful to clean your space, move your body or listen to loud music. It doesn't matter if anyone else doesn’t find it restful, if you do, go for it! Whether you take a moment to take three breaths or spend the weekend re-organising your home, focus first on what works for you.

It can also be helpful to consider who or what supports your rest practice, too. It may look like telling folks you share space with that you’re exhausted  and would appreciate some gentle reminders to prioritize your own care, or putting some post-it notes on your mirror, or reminders on your phone. It’s okay to offer yourself encouragement as you take on a new habit. 

Another great way to bring in new behavior is to stack the habit on top of one you already have established. For instance, if you brush your teeth before bed every night, perhaps immediately after that you take ten minutes to meditate. Or after lunch, you take 5 minutes to listen to music or move your body. Adding a new habit to one you already do can make it much easier to adopt.

So can giving yourself grace when you forget or change your mind. Remember that people don’t fail systems, systems fail people. So if it’s not working, it’s okay to change your mind, take a break or revisit it another time. It’s more important for you to continue exploring and experimenting to discover what you find restorative than it is for you to stick to anything just for the sake of it.

If you live with or are close to someone who always seems well-rested, you could observe them to see what they do differently than you and see if you can sync with them in whatever way works for you. For instance, a friend takes a daily walk so we arranged to walk together and talk while we do. We’re in different countries so it’s after breakfast for them and after lunch for me, but we get on the phone while we move our bodies and it’s been easier to be consistent in my movement practice because we get to kiki while we do it.

So sibling, how can you rest today? How can you rest this week?

p.s. Our Thailand retreat is just five months away, consider this your official invitation to come rest in community.