Talking to teens about drugs and overdose risk (for parents and caregivers)
Parents and caregivers often ask me how they should bring up the topic of drug use with their teens, and my answer is simple - Just do it. Talk to them.
I know it doesn’t feel as simple as this - communicating with our teens can be difficult; it can feel impossible at times. But know that even though they may act like they’re not, your kids are listening. They hear us, they see us, and teens can detect our bullshit from a mile away. So, be honest. Be humble and listen, as well. You just might learn a thing or two from your kids!
So yes, talking to our kids is simple. We open our mouths and form the words… But the degree of how meaningful our conversations can be with our teens lies in the foundation of trust that we build with them beforehand.
All of a sudden approaching your kid with the “hey, I get it man! I was in your shoes once… blah, blah, blah” hardly ever works. Modeling accountability, parenting with your full humanity, apologizing when you make mistakes, being honest, and radically loving your children through it all - that’s what works! It builds trust. And trust is what we lean into when we have difficult conversations with our teens.
Earlier this evening I asked my 16 year old what advice they have to give to parents who don’t quite know how to talk to their kids about drugs. They replied, “Don’t yell. Don’t get mad. Just talk to us, don’t punish us.” And I hear them loud and clear. That’s great advice.
““Don’t yell. Don’t get mad. Just talk to us, don’t punish us.””
Why am I deciding to write this now? And why here?
Community-based full spectrum birthwork does not begin at pregnancy and end after the fourth trimester. Full spectrum encompasses all of our lives, parenting through life, and showing up for all of our community members - which includes young people.
I want you to know that there is a crisis happening all around us - the drug supply that our kids are being exposed to is contaminated. There is fentanyl (which is up to 50x stronger than heroin) showing up in everything from pills to cocaine to mdma to meth to heroin. And if you are thinking to yourself, “that’s not MY kid, MY kid doesn’t use substances…” sure. Maybe YOUR kid isn’t using substances, but kids in your community are. And our community is our extended family, so the way I see it - they’re our kids, too. And YOUR kid probably knows kids who are using, even if they aren’t also experimenting, themselves.
It’s a different world out there than it was when we were young. For the most part, we knew what we were getting when we bought drugs back in the day. These days, the stakes are way higher and young people are dying of accidental opioid overdose at alarming rates.
A freshman from my kid’s high school died of an accidental overdose a couple weeks ago. They were a friend of a friend of my kid. Two teens at a friend’s high school died of accidental overdose last year. THESE DEATHS WERE PREVENTABLE. Sorry for yelling, but this is important. These kids should still be here.
According to UCLA Health, “The rate of overdose deaths among U.S. teenagers nearly doubled in 2020, the first year of the COVID pandemic, and rose another 20% in the first half of 2021 compared with the 10 years before the pandemic, even as drug use remained generally stable during the same period, according to new UCLA research… The increases are almost entirely due to illicit fentanyls, which are increasingly found in counterfeit pills,” Friedman said. “These counterfeit pills are spreading across the nation, and teens may not realize they are dangerous.”
Stay with me - I’m just going to be up on this soapbox a little while longer.
Before I describe how I approach this conversation with my own kid, I’d like to bust some myths. An FAQ of what might be going through your mind right now, if you will…
Myth #1: Talking to teens about drugs will make them want to do drugs.
Nope. People are going to use substances whether we talk about them or not. You won’t drive your kid to try drugs just by bringing them up. Truth is, your kid is already hearing about drugs in a lot of other spaces, and they might not be getting the facts. Having clear, fact-based, non judgmental conversations with our teens can save their lives. Full stop.
Myth #2: Substance use is a moral failing.
Nope. I’ll tell you what’s immoral – The racist, classist war on drugs that brought us to this crisis in the first place. Drugs and drug use have no moral weight. The sooner we can destigmatize substance use, the better.
Myth #3: If my kid smokes weed, they’re headed straight for “harder” drugs.
Nope. The only gateway drug that exists is trauma. So, let’s collectively move in a way that centers healing, community care, and non judgmental support for everyone. If you want to learn more about this perspective, check out this article. (just a heads up: there is some stigmatizing language in that article, ie: drug abuse, rather than drug use.)
Ok, now that we’ve got those few myths out of the way - Here’s what we do in my house:
I’m no parenting expert. Nor am I going to act like my way is the best or only way. I tell you how I do things to offer ideas for thinking through how you can start this dialogue in your home and in your communities.
First, we move at the speed of trust. My kid knows I don’t lie to them, and if they need me I will be there for them no matter what. Second, I have told my kid all about my substance use history. They know that when I was a teen I was addicted to opioids, and they also know that I’ve been abstinent from these substances for over half of my life. They look to me as a knowledgeable person when it comes to substance use, because I am a person with lived experience. Third, I answer all of my kids' questions the best I can, and if I don’t have the answers I tell them honestly. And we find the answers together.
Also - and this is important - My kid knows how to use narcan and carries it to school in their backpack. I have trained them on how to identify and respond to an opioid overdose, and they feel empowered to act in the event that they witness an overdose; knowing what steps to take to save a life. I think we ALL should carry narcan and know how to use it. A great resource for getting a quick online training on overdose response, as well as free narcan is End Overdose. Check them out and donate if you can. You can also get fentanyl test strips on their website, which I recommend all folks who use any substances have on-hand.
I would be remiss if I spoke about substance use without offering some very fundamental harm reduction tools to my readers:
Test your supply.
Start low, go slow.
Don’t use alone.
Fuck safe.
Shoot clean.
Carry narcan.
And talk to your kids about drugs! It might be uncomfortable, but I promise it’ll be worth it.
Drop your ideas about how to start this dialogue with teens in the comments. Drop your questions in the comments, as well. I’ll try my best to answer them, and if I don’t have the answer I’ll let you know.
About the writer:
Nickie is the CoExecutive Director and CoFounder of Cornerstone Birthwork Trainings. She is also a parent, harm reductionist, Registered Nurse, and has been in remission from opioid use disorder for 23 years.