A guest post from Ajira Darch & Jewel Buchanan-Boone uplifting their upcoming collaboration,
a HIP Wellness &  Roots of Labor Birth Collective skillshare - 
Coming Home to Self: Capacity Building for Femmes

My favorite mantra is “healing is a lifestyle, not a destination.” And, while society insists that we always work harder and rest when we’re dead, I plan on living until I’m 111, happily and healthily. 

I want this, and more, for all of my friends and community members. Particularly, my fellow Black women and femmes. However, almost everyone I know - while doing amazing work - is also trapped in a space of doing instead of being, unable to rest when I/they/we are given the opportunity to and rarely creating the space for ourselves. Although we’re out saving the world, too many Black women and femmes are burnt out, or on our way there. The world is gonna world - it’s time to save ourselves. 

We rebuke the notion that if we are in a Black or Brown body, and/or a body that is socialized as female, we should always be giving. That we should give even when we have nothing left, give no matter what and most of all, give at the cost of ourselves in all ways. 

It’s clear that freeing ourselves from our devotion to constant productivity requires a willingness to stop doubling down in situations that aren't working and do not serve us. In fact, the harder things are, the more deeply we must center taking care of ourselves. 

The reality for a lot of us right now is that if we do not work we cannot pay our rent,  buy groceries or access healthcare. The demands of our daily lives are incessant and everything feels like it’s an emergency. The more disconnected we are from ourselves, the more the system profits. It profits precisely because when we are dry husks barely making enough to eat, to rest, to live then we are unlikely to have the energy to protest injustice, exploitation, extraction.

And still, there is space to treat ourselves better as we navigate existing in this system. We know this, because even in times of deep struggle, our Ancestors still managed to stay fly, create new trends, love each other, and make the way for us to exist today. We richen and further this legacy when we treat ourselves better by learning to prioritize our own needs and centering ourselves while deciding if, how, or when we interact with spaces that require our presence. 

Even when we know we need to take better care of ourselves, when we’re stressed or dysregulated, self-care becomes one more to-do on an overwhelming task list. Despite the fact that it’s deeply nourishing, restorative and needed, it’s not unusual to dismiss taking better care of ourselves, but find the energy to do the most for others. We are literally taking care of others at the cost of our own wellbeing.

Self Care Is Liberation

I’m not even talking about the Instagramable “self care as a luxurious lifestyle” taking care of (although, I don’t knock it). I’m talking about the basics:  Why is it unreasonable for us to demand that we are all afforded the spaciousness to rest as we need to, to have our basic needs for food, shelter, health etc. met without needing to work ourselves to death first? What would our lives look like if the start and finish or even the middle of our days were dedicated solely to loving on ourselves and our dreams? What would this world look like?

I am often awed at the state of the world, for many reasons. From the beauty and compassion present everywhere, to the nefarious functioning of this global regime. In a global pandemic where 6.84 million lives perished in a little less than three years, Black women and femmes [alongside many others] were deemed “essential”. Essential to keep our communities together, businesses running, the gears of industry churning, and to keep smiles on everyone’s faces. Essential to keeping democracy alive in a country that hasn’t stopped murdering us and our children swiftly and on a slow burn.

This didn’t happen in a vacuum created by COVID. COVID expanded the blueprint expertly laid out by America’s special take on the global colonial capitalist patriarchal white supremacist delusion. No duh, Black women and Femmes adapted during the pandemic! Our ancestors passed down our ability to make magic in adversity - it is simply what we do. That doesn’t mean this lifestyle is working. As humans who are over represented in every chronic illness, epidemic, bad things happen to group, this lifestyle is literally killing us. We know this, and yet it still feels like we can’t stop. 

Many of the ways Black women and femmes are treated and currently operate are dictated by societal practices perfected over the last 500 years of subjugation on Turtle Island. The ravaging of “invisible” labor of Black women, specifically, who are still classified as non-people, has continued, even as folks were ‘granted’ freedom from bondage. Even after Emancipation, Black women haven’t rested. We do not have a “housewives” generation. We still have to labor inside and outside of the home, without help or the protection of class-status. Our labor, at best, is received by family and community members who rely on us as staples in their lives. At worst, our labor is simply expected by the world at large (of course Black women & femmes will do it), seldomly honored as an expression of our lifeforce & spirit. This world, literally, could not survive without us, yet Black women and femmes are not seen as whole beings, deserving of a life of ease. 

What’s most galling, honestly, is the idea we all seem to have bought that we are “lucky” to get to work, even when the work is draining, barely allowing us to earn enough to survive, let alone thrive. That we are “lucky” to sacrifice our lives, dreams, health, and potential to the altar of capitalism, while folks hoarding world changing money tell us that they understand, they want to help and they’re doing what they can. It’s time to change our luck.

It’s time to take back our power. In the same way there is no single-person revolution, changing our lives is a series of tiny revolutions in our choices in service to our highest selves. If we are talking about disrupting this system but we’re still focused on being productive, then we still have a ways to go in unrooting the conditioning that makes us complicit in our own subjugation. If this is the first time (or 100th honestly) you’ve contemplated that, you may notice quite a bit of grief come up. This is right and good, because there is much to grieve. There is also much to look forward to. 

At some point in the distant past, people worked to feed themselves and their loved ones, to protect their communities, document their lives and embody inspiration. When I say “I believe that we will win”, returning to this is exactly what I mean. 

We have got to root into our agency and opt out in every way that we can. We have to revolt against this idea that we have to be doing something all the time, that for the good of everyone else our lives and/or their quality are worth sacrificing. We have got to undo the belief that folks who are not or can not ‘contribute’ in some tangible, measurable way deserve less care and less access. That if we don’t fulfill the expectations of others, then we deserve less.

Let’s create the space to tip the scales back in our favor.
When Black women and femmes are thriving, everybody wins. 

Join us this SUNDAY Feb 12, 2023 for Coming Home to Self: Capacity Building for Femmes. We will be diving into the how of it all - how to opt in to our bodies and out of what we do for others. How to create the space to rest, breathe, soften, and laugh. How to figure out what our capacity is when we put ourselves first so that we can thrive and create the lives of our dreams - the lives we deserve.

For a preview, check out this IG live we did last week talking about Disrupting Productivity Culture!

Let’s put words into practice by assessing where we’re at currently AND visioning for the future, for a prosperous 2023. Taking into account all the ways in which femmes are asked to show up for others - their families, their workspaces, their communities, we’ll be flipping the script on putting ourselves last. Let’s activate all the ways we can start shifting that misalignment by intentionally engaging with ourselves and creating a practice of assessing our capacity, not just our capability. 

We invite you to join us in Coming Home to Self: Capacity Building for Femmes after a long and intense 2022. Registration is open! 

Jewel (she/they) of HIP Wellness, is a Queer Black doula, artivist, and event producer who resides in Oakland, California. As a full spectrum-doula, Jewel is committed to providing culturally attuned care & creating brave birthing spaces for Black womxn and Queer and Trans families. 

Ajira (they/she) is a Queer, fat, Black, disabled full spectrum birthworker, creative and liberation strategist who is passionate about re-parenting, connecting and building community & sacred enterprise in alignment with purpose. They help folx create sacred practices that nourish and sustain a thriving, healing, abundant life rooted in ancestral wisdom and healing. 

Take up space for yourself by joining us for two hours next weekend to review the last year and take away an actionable plan for 2023 that doesn’t leave you and your needs behind. 

You deserve the love and care you offer others.

HOW TO REGISTER:

1. Complete and submit this registration form
2. Submit payment via https://www.paypal.me/rootsoflaborbc
3. Include the name/email you used to register if your Paypal one is different

Fee:

$33 - If you are struggling with getting your needs met, or in significant debt, this is for you

$66 - If you have access to a steady paycheck and not struggling with needs this is for you.

$99 - If you are able to pay for wants, with no worries about needs, this is for you. 

Reach out if cost is an issue, these tiered fees aren't meant to limit participation but raise funds for Roots of Labor Birth Collective and the facilitators.

NOTE:

This skillshare is open to all and centers People of the Global Majority (PGM). 
Pay what you can scholarships are available for People of the Global Majority with fiscal challenges, no-one will be turned away for lack of funds.
You'll receive a confirmation email with the meeting information once we receive payment.
This skillshare will be recorded and registrants will receive replay access to the recording for 14 days

If you have any questions, please reach out to rootsoflaborbc@gmail.com